She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
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