I can text with my tongue
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
