Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
