we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Randomize
