If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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