it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
