There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
