It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
