took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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