she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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