nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
