I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
