dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
