Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
