im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
