So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
