Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
