You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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