he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
