Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
