I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
