I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
