Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
