So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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