I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
What a fucking waste of an outfit
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I look better un-naked...
We need to rekindle our bromance
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
