If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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