You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
