i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
