Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
