I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You can't just leave with hair like that
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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