Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
