Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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