And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
