I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
home. puking in laundry basket.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
