Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
