i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
