hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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