Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
even my farts smell like vagina
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
