We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
