We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
