i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
