I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
