Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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