I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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