I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
