I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
