I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
