he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
