..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
40s are totally the cure
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Randomize
