We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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