Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
