it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
