I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
