Plan B is the new Plan A
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
