I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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