We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
