Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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