Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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