Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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