Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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