State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
