My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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