yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
