goodnight i made you a song goodbye
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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