so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
