What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
