if only i could text you this smell
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
