The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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