He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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