you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
