He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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