my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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